How I Changed My Life by Challenging Core Beliefs (A Therapist's Story)
- Dr Paul McCarthy
- 1 day ago
- 8 min read
Core beliefs shape the way we see ourselves and the world around us. Starting a journey to challenge these beliefs can change your life completely. I know this firsthand - as a therapist, I've helped many clients through this process, but most don't know that I once stood right where they are now.
Deep assumptions about ourselves, others, and the world work quietly in our subconscious . They guide our thoughts, emotions, and behaviors without us noticing. Negative core beliefs can make anxiety, depression, and low self-esteem much worse . They create patterns that seem impossible to escape. My clients often struggle with thoughts like "there is something wrong with me" or beliefs that "things have always gone wrong in the past" . These patterns felt familiar because I saw them in myself too.
CBT first introduced the concept of core beliefs , but their effects reach way beyond therapy rooms. My personal experience taught me something valuable - we can actually change these beliefs by questioning the proof behind them . The process isn't easy though. Our minds quickly accept information that fits our existing core beliefs, which makes them harder to change .
This piece tells the story of how I changed my life by spotting, questioning, and rebuilding my core beliefs. It's more than just my growth as a professional - it's about finding the mental strength to face challenges even when my own beliefs worked against me.
What are core beliefs and how do they form?
Our core beliefs aren't traits we're born with, like our eye color or height. These fundamental assumptions about ourselves, others, and the world emerge as our brains try to understand our experiences. Core beliefs sit at the deepest level of our thought structure. They become rigid, over-generalized, and persistent assumptions that shape our behavior and perceptions.
Early life experiences and belief development
Childhood stands as the most crucial period to form core beliefs. This happens especially during infancy and early years when our brains show high rates of synaptic growth and remodeling. These experiences can leave lasting imprints on development. Our earliest interactions with parents and caregivers become the building blocks of these beliefs. Children surrounded by warmth and acceptance typically develop positive core beliefs. Those who face criticism, neglect, or emotional unavailability often absorb very different messages.
Family dynamics shape this process significantly. To cite an instance, families that value education might instill beliefs about learning's importance. Dysfunctional relationships marked by conflict or inconsistency can create beliefs of unworthiness. Our belief system also takes shape from cultural and societal messages that influence our sense of normality and identity.
Core belief examples from childhood
Supportive environments help create positive core beliefs such as:
"I am lovable and worthy"
"People can be trusted and are generally good"
"The world is relatively safe and full of opportunities"
Negative experiences might promote beliefs like "I am unlovable," "People will always hurt me," or "The world is dangerous." These beliefs become the filter through which we see all future experiences.
Why these beliefs feel so real
The most challenging aspect lies in how core beliefs don't feel like opinions—they feel like absolute facts. This makes them powerful and hard to spot. More than that, these beliefs become self-reinforcing through confirmation bias. We look for information that supports our existing beliefs and ignore evidence that contradicts them.
Someone who believes "I'm not smart enough" sees each mistake as proof of their belief. They might dismiss occasional successes as mere luck. Our core beliefs essentially become the lens we use to interpret life's events.
How negative core beliefs shaped my life
My negative beliefs about myself built an invisible framework that shaped my life. I didn't see their influence for years, but they guided almost every choice I made.
The belief that I was unlovable
Life with unpredictable affection left me feeling deeply flawed at my core. The thought "I am unlovable" followed me everywhere like a shadow. Real connections became hard to form because I kept others at a distance to shield myself from what I saw as unavoidable rejection. When someone showed me real care, I would start arguments or pull away, which only proved my negative beliefs right. My fear of being abandoned grew, and I kept looking for signs that people would stick around.
How 'I am not good enough' affected my career
My role as a trained therapist didn't stop me from dealing with imposter syndrome. I would sit with successful clients and question whether I belonged there. The voice saying "I'm not good enough" held me back from great chances. I backed away from challenging roles and speaking opportunities. My abilities seemed inadequate before I even tried. Self-doubt made me put things off and avoid situations that might show my perceived flaws. I tried to make up for it by being perfect, thinking it would stop others
from seeing me as a fake.
The impact on relationships and self-worth
These deep-seated negative beliefs created a cycle that proved itself true in my personal life. Setting healthy boundaries seemed impossible, and I often put others' needs before my own. I tried too hard to make everyone happy while missing signs that some people took advantage of me. Deep down, I thought I had to work to earn love instead of deserving it naturally. Later, I saw how these patterns came from my core beliefs rather than reality. These beliefs colored everything I saw, making me focus on proof that matched my self-image while ignoring anything that didn't fit.
The turning point: Identifying and challenging my beliefs
A major breakthrough came in my life after I realized my thoughts weren't facts but interpretations shaped by deeper beliefs. My original state left me trapped in negative thought patterns that seemed impossible to break free from.
Recognizing automatic negative thoughts (ANTs)
I learned to spot my automatic negative thoughts—those quick, instinctive comments my mind made without my permission. These ANTs centered around feelings of unworthiness and helplessness. I started to notice recurring patterns in my behavior and caught myself thinking "I always fail" or "I'm not good enough." This helped me label each pattern ("There's catastrophizing") and create some distance between myself and these thoughts.
Using the downward arrow technique
The downward arrow technique helped me learn about my core beliefs. I would take a surface-level thought and keep asking, "What does that mean about me?" Here's an example: Thought: "My client seemed bored in our session today." → "What does that mean?" → "I'm not engaging enough." → "What does that mean?" → "I'm not good at my job." → "What does that mean?" → "I'm incapable."
This simple yet powerful approach revealed my core belief: "I am incapable."
Journaling and thought records
Thought records gave me a well-laid-out way to look at my thoughts and feelings. I would document these elements whenever I noticed my emotions change:
The situation that triggered it
My automatic thoughts
The emotions and bodily sensations
Evidence supporting and contradicting the thought
A more balanced viewpoint
Writing my thoughts made them visible and easier to challenge with a clear mind.
CBT worksheets that helped me
These CBT worksheets played a crucial role in my experience:
Core Beliefs Worksheet – helped identify beliefs around helplessness, unlovability, and worthlessness
Evidence Testing Worksheet – taught me to be objective about thoughts
Adjusting Core Beliefs Worksheet – guided me toward developing more balanced beliefs
Challenging negative core beliefs with evidence
I learned to test my beliefs' validity instead of accepting them as truth. Questions like "Is there evidence that contradicts this belief?" or "What would I tell a friend thinking this way?" became my tools. Looking for exceptions—moments that proved my core beliefs wrong—became my practice. This helped me build a case against my negative beliefs and create room for new, more balanced viewpoints.
Building new beliefs and living with purpose
Building new beliefs demands more than challenging negative thoughts. My journey began with identifying core beliefs. Something new needed to take their place.
Reframing beliefs through self-compassion
Self-compassion became the foundation of my change. My mental resources drained from constant battles with self-criticism. Mindfulness helped me accept painful feelings without judgment. Time taught me that being human means being imperfect [1]. My mistakes led me to a simple question: "How would I respond to a friend facing this situation?"
Practicing value-based living (ACT approach)
Values—not emotions—should guide our actions, according to ACT therapy. Life's true meaning comes from our values [2]. The "magic wand" exercise helped me imagine life without anxiety holding me back. This approach embraced moving toward meaningful goals whatever the discomfort [2].
Daily habits that reinforce new beliefs
My 3-month old morning rituals include:
Gratitude journaling to notice the positives
Affirmations that challenge old beliefs
Mindful meditation to build self-awareness [3]
Letting go of perfectionism
Perfectionism protected me from criticism but trapped me too. Protection isn't the same as motivation—perfectionism just defends [4]. These days I celebrate progress rather than just outcomes [5].
Living in line with my values
My journey led me to identify my core values and dedicate time to them [6]. Each day brings a simple question: "What actions line up with who I want to be?" This path creates deeper fulfillment and authentic living [7].
Conclusion
My trip from being a therapist with hidden struggles to living authentically has taught me a lot. I had to challenge my core beliefs, and it wasn't easy - but it was worth it. For years, thoughts like "I am unlovable" and "I am not good enough" controlled my choices, relationships, and career path. Everything changed when I realized these beliefs were just learned interpretations, not facts.
The tools I've shared can help anyone who wants to look at their thought patterns with curiosity instead of judgment. These include spotting automatic negative thoughts, using the downward arrow technique, journaling, and testing evidence. They helped me uncover beliefs that had shaped my life for decades without my awareness.
I ended up replacing my harsh self-criticism with self-compassion. Instead of chasing perfection, I learned to value progress. I stopped trying to earn love and started believing in my own worth. Now my daily practices strengthen these healthier beliefs, which creates room for real connections and meaningful work.
Core beliefs can seem set in stone because they've been part of us for so long. All the same, they're still just beliefs—not unchangeable facts about who we are. It takes courage and persistence to challenge them, but living with childhood ideas about our worth is far worse.
Your core beliefs might be different from mine, but they shape your life in similar ways. You won't change them overnight. Small steps to spot and challenge negative beliefs will lead to big changes in how you see yourself and the world. This trip to develop balanced beliefs might be the most important work that you'll ever do.
Key Takeaways
Here are the essential insights from a therapist's transformative journey of challenging deeply-held negative beliefs:
• Core beliefs form in childhood and feel like absolute facts, but they're actually learned interpretations that can be changed through conscious effort and evidence-based techniques.
• Use the downward arrow technique to uncover hidden beliefs: repeatedly ask "What does that mean about me?" when experiencing negative thoughts to reveal underlying assumptions.
• Challenge negative beliefs by documenting evidence for and against them through thought records, treating your thoughts as hypotheses rather than truths.
• Replace self-criticism with self-compassion and focus on value-based living rather than perfectionism to build healthier belief systems.
• Establish daily practices like gratitude journaling, mindful meditation, and values-aligned actions to reinforce new positive beliefs and create lasting change.
The most powerful realization is that beliefs like "I'm not good enough" or "I'm unlovable" aren't permanent character flaws—they're changeable patterns that developed from early experiences. By questioning these assumptions and gathering contradictory evidence, you can rewrite the internal narrative that has been limiting your potential and relationships.
References
[1] - https://self-compassion.org/self-compassion-practices/[2] - https://psychotherapyacademy.org/courses/acceptance-and-commitment-therapy-for-social-anxiety-the-case-of-charles/modules/the-act-processes-for-social-anxiety-acceptance-values-and-defusion/section/the-magic-wand-an-act-approach-to-values-work/[3] - https://www.psychologytoday.com/gb/blog/the-angry-therapist/202403/7-daily-rituals-to-improve-your-self-esteem[4] - https://www.hilaryjacobshendel.com/post/healing-perfectionism-change-triangle[5] - https://positivepsychology.com/how-to-overcome-perfectionism/[6] - https://www.psychologytoday.com/gb/blog/everyday-resilience/202507/how-to-live-value-aligned-and-make-what-matters-truly-matter[7] - https://www.forbes.com/councils/forbescoachescouncil/2021/10/05/how-to-live-in-alignment-with-your-true-values/