How to Live Your Values: A Simple CBT Guide That Actually Works
- Dr Paul McCarthy
- Oct 30
- 8 min read
You might notice a gap between what people believe and how they live their lives, especially when it comes to values. Mental health service users in England point out that they received care that was "done to" them instead of being part of the process. They wanted the staff to see them as people, not just a collection of symptoms.
This gap makes sense since values shape our thoughts and actions, giving meaning to what we do. Many people find it hard to match their known values with their daily lives.
Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) tackles this head-on. ACT helps build psychological flexibility - knowing how to act on what matters most, even with tough emotions in the way. Simple tools like values worksheet exercises can help you see what really counts, from being more caring to your partner to cutting back on work hours.
This piece shows you practical ACT values exercises that help you push past barriers and live by your values. We'll walk you through everything from filling out a values worksheet to checking a complete list of values that ACT therapy covers. You'll learn to turn your core beliefs into everyday actions.
People who feel depressed tend to pull back from life activities. The good news? Taking actions that line up with their values can boost their mood and get them more involved. Let me show you the way forward.
Understanding Values in CBT and ACT
Values are the life-blood of Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) and modern Cognitive Behavioral Therapy approaches. Let's look at their true meaning and why they matter so much to create meaningful change.
What are values in ACT therapy?
ACT defines values as "freely chosen, verbally constructed consequences of ongoing, dynamic, evolving patterns of activity" that give our lives direction and meaning. They're not just passing wants - values represent core principles that guide our behavior and interactions with the world. These fundamental attitudes direct our mental processes and shape how we act.
Dr. Russ Harris, a leading ACT practitioner, puts it simply: "values are like a compass: they give us direction and keep us on track when life gets difficult." They show what our hearts deeply want in dealing with the world, other people, and ourselves. Values worksheet ACT exercises look at areas like relationships, health, work, spirituality, and personal growth to help make these guiding principles clear.
How values differ from goals
ACT therapy highlights a significant difference between values and goals. You can head toward values but never fully reach them, while goals are concrete results you can get or finish. To name just one example, see how someone who values "being loving" might call a friend in need or spend quality time with their partner.
Steven Hayes, ACT's founder, uses a clear metaphor: values work like compass directions (going south), while goals are specific destinations (reaching Denver). Goals end once
achieved, but the value behind them stays alive and sparks new actions. This insight helps us better understand values act worksheet exercises.
Why values matter in behavior change
Values give us real reasons to handle pain, discomfort, and uncertainty during behavior change. The shape of suffering changes when we see it serves what matters most to us.
Research shows that goals tied to personal values work better than those without values attached. By making our values act therapy targets clear, we boost motivation and develop psychological flexibility - knowing how to organize behavior around what matters despite tough emotions.
Living by our values builds resilience. Tying fulfillment only to specific goals can leave us lost if we can't reach them. Notwithstanding that, we keep our sense of purpose through hard times by living according to our values whatever the outcome.
Step-by-Step Values Clarification
You need practical tools to identify what truly matters when you want to clarify your values. Here are four research-backed ways to find your core principles:
Use a values worksheet ACT style
Values worksheets give you a well-laid-out way to explore what matters in different areas of your life. Most ACT worksheets show common valued domains and ask you to rate or pick the ones that matter most to you. On top of that, exercises like the "Tombstone Exercise" help you picture the end of your life and think about how you'd want to be remembered. This visualization often shows values that might stay hidden otherwise.
Try the Bull's-Eye Values Survey (BEVS)
The BEVS uses a visual dart board to help you see how your actions line up with your values. This tool, created by Lundgren and colleagues, reviews four key areas: relationships, health/personal growth, work/education, and leisure. The BEVS works well and shows good stability over time and internal consistency in research studies [1]. You mark spots on the dart board to show how well you're living each value—the closer to the bull's-eye, the better the match.
Complete the Valued Living Questionnaire (VLQ)
Kelly Wilson developed the VLQ that asks you to score 10-12 life domains from 1-10 based on importance and consistency [2]. This questionnaire helps you spot gaps between what you say is important and how you actually live. The VLQ has proven reliable in repeated tests and works great as a starting point for values work in therapy.
Use a values card sort to explore options
Values card sorts give you a hands-on way to find your principles. Based on W.R. Miller's work, these exercises let you sort physical or digital cards with different values into groups based on what matters most to you [3]. You then pick your core values from the ones you rated highest.
Bridging Values and Action
Your next challenge comes after clarifying core values - putting them into daily actions. Studies show people experience less depression and more positive emotions when their actions align with their values [4].
Identify gaps between values and current behavior
A "value-action gap" exists when our behavior doesn't match our values. Studies reveal that caregivers often underestimate their loved ones' values compared to what these individuals report themselves [5]. You can spot your own gaps by rating how you honor each value from 1-10. Look closely at values scoring below 7 and ask: "What changes do I need to make to honor this value further?" [6]
Use the ACT Matrix to map your actions
The ACT Matrix serves as a valuable tool that creates four quadrants with two intersecting lines [7]:
What matters to you (inner experience/toward)
What thoughts/feelings get in your way (inner experience/away)
What you do when difficult thoughts arise (outer behavior/away)
Actions that move you toward what matters (outer behavior/toward)
Try '10 Steps to Trying on a Value'
This method lets you experiment with a value temporarily. You can identify specific behaviors that show this value and record your experience in a diary [8]. Values work becomes easier since you treat it as an experiment.
Practice values prototyping
Values prototyping helps you experience potential values directly [8]. You can talk to people who demonstrate a value, picture an ideal day, and test values-consistent behaviors to understand how they affect you.
Overcoming Common Challenges
Strong tools help, but the experience of living by your values comes with several common roadblocks. Let's address these challenges directly.
What if I don't know my values?
Most people find it hard to identify their core principles. These approaches will help you find your values foundation:
Dealing with avoidance and discomfort
Avoidance feels good right now but holds back your growth later [11]. Rather than switching between overwhelming worry and pushing thoughts away, notice your avoidance patterns. Small steps work best—build your ability to handle stress gradually by facing minor discomforts before taking on bigger challenges [11].
Avoiding socially desirable answers (pliance)
Social desirability bias—our tendency to give answers others want to hear—can seriously affect self-reports [12]. People often underreport depression symptoms [12] or try to please researchers instead of sharing real experiences. Values act worksheets work best with privacy and confidentiality that encourage honest answers [13].
When to focus on acceptance before values work
People with limited valuing repertoires or those who struggle to notice private events might need acceptance work first [8]. Speech patterns that don't bend and words like "must" show someone hasn't started true valuing yet [8]. Sometimes present-moment awareness needs to come before values become clear [14].
Conclusion
Our values shape how we deal with tough experiences. We find purpose in challenging times when our actions match what matters most to us. This match doesn't just happen - it needs practice with the tools we've looked at.
Clear values are the foundations of real change. The Bull's-Eye survey, worksheets, and card sorting exercises are a great way to get clarity about what really matters. This process helps us spot the difference between our true values and ones we picked up just to make others happy.
Many people feel stuck between knowing their values and living them. The ACT Matrix and values prototyping are the quickest ways to bridge this gap. These methods let us try out new behaviors that fit our values while becoming more flexible in our thinking.
Roadblocks will pop up. It takes time to handle distress better, and sometimes we struggle to see our core principles. All the same, every step toward living by our values makes us stronger and more connected to what matters.
Note that values work isn't about being perfect - it's about direction. Values aren't like goals you can check off - they guide how we live each day. Your experience with values-based living might have some bumps, but each time you reconnect with your values moves you closer to meeting your life's purpose. The ideas in this piece show you how to be more flexible and live more authentically.
Key Takeaways
Living your values isn't just about knowing what matters—it's about consistently aligning your daily actions with your deepest principles, even when facing difficult emotions.
• Values are directions, not destinations: Unlike goals that can be completed, values serve as ongoing compass points that guide behavior and provide meaning during challenging times.
• Use structured tools to clarify what matters: Complete values worksheets, the Bull's-Eye Values Survey, or values card sorts to identify authentic principles versus socially desirable responses.
• Bridge the value-action gap systematically: Map current behaviors against your values using tools like the ACT Matrix, then experiment with small value-aligned actions to build momentum.
• Start with acceptance when overwhelmed: If you're struggling with behavioral rigidity or can't identify values, focus on present-moment awareness and distress tolerance before diving into values work.
• Practice values prototyping for authentic discovery: "Test drive" potential values through direct experience—interview people who embody them, then try value-consistent behaviors to see how they feel.
The key to lasting change lies not in perfect adherence to your values, but in consistently returning to them as your guiding principles, especially when life gets difficult.
References
[1] - https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S1077722912000387[2] - https://stevenchayes.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/01/The-Valued-Living-Questionnaire.pdf[3] - https://drjennyshields.com/values-card-sort/[4] - https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC6465641/[5] - https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC3146805/[6] - https://scottjeffrey.com/personal-core-values/[7] - https://contextualscience.org/act_matrix[8] - https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC8854463/[9] - https://www.psychologytoday.com/gb/blog/changepower/201811/6-ways-to-discover-and-choose-your-core-values[10] - https://newmepsychology.co.uk/f/living-to-your-values-a-pathway-to-improved-mental-health[11] - https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/navigating-cancer/202203/how-avoid-avoiding[12] - https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC5519338/[13] - https://www.researchprospect.com/what-is-social-desirability-bias/[14] - https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC6905635/
