How I Discovered My Core Beliefs (And How You Can Find Yours)
- Dr Paul McCarthy
- 3 days ago
- 10 min read
Core beliefs are our deeply embedded assumptions about ourselves, others, and the world around us. Life threw some most important changes my way, and I realized the beliefs I had been living by were no longer serving me.
These fundamental assumptions work like lenses that color every experience. A core belief might be "People are fundamentally good" or "The world is a dangerous and unfair place". Clear values make it easier to make big life decisions about careers, relationships, and pursuing passions - researchers confirm this. People who have defined core values and beliefs rarely involve themselves in destructive thought patterns, particularly during tough situations.
In this piece, I'll share my personal trip of finding my core beliefs and give you practical steps to find yours. This guide will help you recognize and define what truly matters to you, whether you feel disconnected from your life or you're simply curious about the beliefs driving your decisions.
The Moment I Realized Something Was Off
You might have felt like watching your life from far away instead of actually living it. That's exactly how I felt before I began my trip to find my core beliefs. Something felt off, but I couldn't pinpoint what it was right away.
Feeling disconnected from my life
My core beliefs needed a closer look when I first felt overwhelmingly disconnected. Life seemed to play out behind a clouded window, and I watched it as a spectator. Research shows this is quite common—about half of all people feel disconnected at least once in their lives [1].
The robot-like feeling during my daily routines caught my attention most. I did things mechanically without any emotional connection. Mental health professionals say this feeling of being "disconnected from yourself and the world around you" happens when stress becomes too much [2].
Sometimes I experienced what experts call "depersonalization"—watching myself from outside my body [3]. Other times, I went through "derealization"—where everything around me felt unreal or dreamlike [4]. These weren't just passing thoughts but persistent feelings that substantially disrupted my emotions and daily life.
The role of major life changes
Several big life changes triggered this disconnect from my core beliefs and values, as I now realize.
Big events can shake up our entire worldview and life goals [5]. These changes made me question who I really was. Professor Nick Glozier's research with 14,000 participants over 16 years shows that deaths, relationship breakups, and major money problems hit us hardest emotionally [6].
These events affected me deeply, though I didn't see it at first. All the same, research proves both good and bad life events can trigger big changes in what we believe and how we act [7]. The upheaval wasn't just about what happened but how it affected my ability to find meaning in everyday life.
The sort of thing I love is how our brains process all major changes in similar ways. Psychological research shows even positive changes can make us uneasy as our neural pathways don't deal very well with adaptation [8]. This explained my lost feeling despite having both "good" and "challenging" events.
Why I turned to therapy
Professional help seemed like the answer after months of feeling disconnected. Many people wait until their well-being takes a serious hit before trying therapy [9].
My problems didn't seem "serious enough" for therapy at first. Later, I learned that working on specific parts of life that feel wrong can stop bigger problems from developing [9]. Therapy helps with personal growth and self-discovery, not just crises.
I decided to try therapy when I understood it offered a safe, non-judgmental environment where I could speak freely [10]. I needed that space to explore thoughts and feelings that separated me from my core beliefs.
Therapy wasn't about fixing something broken but learning about my thought patterns and behaviors. It helps people explore themselves and develop better self-awareness [10]. Through this process, I hoped to find why I felt so disconnected.
Small moments added up to my realization rather than one dramatic event. That nagging feeling that something was "off" led me to discover what truly mattered.
Understanding What Core Beliefs Are
Life transformation starts with understanding the invisible forces that guide our choices. Core beliefs work like our mind's operating system. They run quietly in the background yet shape everything we do.
What are core beliefs and values?
Core beliefs are basic assumptions about ourselves, others, and the world around us. They operate at a subconscious level and shape our thoughts, emotions, and behaviors without our awareness [11]. These deep convictions develop during childhood when our minds absorb information without analysis [12].
Children's minds work like sponges during their first six years. Physician Marie Montessori called this "the absorbent mind" – an amazing ability to take in huge amounts of information from their surroundings [12]. This early programming builds our worldview. The mind shifts to more logical adult thinking after age six [12].
Core beliefs often appear as absolute statements like "I am..." "People are..." or "The world is..." [13]. Someone might believe "I'm not good enough," "People are untrustworthy," or "The world is a dangerous place" [12].
Core beliefs vs. core values
Core beliefs and core values play different roles in our lives. Core beliefs act as our lens to view the world. Core values help us judge if what we see matches our ideals [14].
Core values are concepts we hold dear—abstract ideals like honesty, compassion, or success that show us the way forward [15]. A core belief might say "People are fundamentally good," while a core value would be "kindness" or "integrity" [14].
The key difference lies in their nature. Beliefs are what we think is true. Values are principles we choose to live by [16]. Religious convictions can be both beliefs and values, but values don't have to be beliefs [15]. Take courage as an example - it's a value, not a belief because it's a trait rather than an ideology [15].
How beliefs shape our decisions
Core beliefs affect every choice we make, often without us knowing. These deep convictions filter our experiences and make us see things that support what we already believe [11].
Take someone who believes "I am incompetent." They might see criticism in helpful feedback, which makes their negative self-image stronger [17]. This creates a loop where they notice things that support their belief and ignore evidence that doesn't [13].
Studies show our beliefs and biases can determine our decisions [18]. Emotion plays a vital role in our choices, even when we think we're being logical [18]. This explains why different people can react differently to the same situation [19].
Understanding our core beliefs gives us power. We can identify, examine and change even our strongest beliefs. This opens the door to better decision-making and authentic living.
The Process I Used to Discover My Core Beliefs
A deck of cards helped me find my core beliefs. These weren't regular playing cards but a special deck to help people identify their fundamental values.
Using a values card deck
I looked at several ways to learn about myself and found value card decks. These tools help people find what matters most to them. Each deck has 40-60 cards with a different value like "honesty," "creativity," or "security." The idea makes sense - you sort these values physically and patterns show up that point to your core beliefs.
You can buy a professional deck like I did, or print free templates from the internet. Some people even make their own. Holding and moving these cards creates a real connection to these abstract ideas. The experience feels much better than reading a simple list.
Sorting and narrowing down
My sorting process with the value cards worked like this:
The cards went into three piles: "very important," "quite important," and "not so important" based on gut feeling
The "not so important" pile went away
My "very important" pile needed to shrink to eight cards
Three values emerged that needed immediate focus
Each round of choices became harder than the last. This wasn't just about removing cards - it showed which values kept coming back to my top picks. Some values stayed in my "very important" pile no matter how many times I sorted them.
Defining what each belief means to me
Picking the values mattered less than understanding what each meant to me. A value like "freedom" means different things to different people - financial independence to some, creative expression to others.
I wrote down what each core value meant in my life. Questions helped me dig deeper: "When have I felt this value being honored or violated?" and "How does this value show up in my daily choices?"
My personal definitions turned these general ideas into beliefs that fit my viewpoint. By defining these values my way, I broke free from what society says they should mean.
The first round took about two hours. I spent several weeks after that making my definitions better. This well-laid-out approach helped me find core beliefs that had shaped my choices without me knowing it.
The Challenges of Choosing Honestly
Finding your authentic core beliefs feels like navigating an emotional obstacle course. The hardest part wasn't listing possible values but being honest with myself about the ones that actually guided my life.
Why some beliefs feel 'better' than others
Our brains resist change, which makes us hold onto familiar beliefs even when they don't help us anymore. Core beliefs work like magnets - they attract evidence that makes them stronger and push away anything that challenges them. We filter our experiences without realizing it to support what we already believe.
Some beliefs seem more socially acceptable or "virtuous" than others. I caught myself leaning toward values that looked impressive instead of ones that truly appealed to me. This happens because we're emotionally attached to our beliefs and get defensive when someone questions them.
Dealing with judgment and self-doubt
Self-doubt shows up a lot during values exploration. I wondered if I could claim certain values as my own. This feels like what psychologists call "imposter syndrome" - the sense that our success doesn't match our real abilities.
Things get harder when we pick values different from our family's or cultural group's beliefs. Our brains try to avoid cognitive dissonance - that uncomfortable feeling when new information clashes with existing beliefs. People often swing back and forth when judging their abilities. They expect poor performance one moment and excellence the next.
Learning to trust your own definitions
Everything changed when I realized values aren't about meeting others' standards but defining these concepts for myself. Success might mean financial wealth to someone and work-life balance to another.
The most helpful thing was knowing that core beliefs aren't facts - they're deep assumptions we can look at again. By questioning these beliefs, I could see if they came from real evidence or just untested assumptions.
Honest self-examination takes courage. You need to face hard truths about which values actually guide your decisions versus the ones you wish did.
How You Can Find Your Own Core Beliefs
Finding your core beliefs takes deep reflection and honest self-discovery. Let me share some practical ways that helped me identify mine.
Reflect on your past actions and reactions
Your emotional responses to situations reveal what you truly believe. Strong feelings often point to your basic assumptions about yourself and the world around you.
Ask yourself what truly matters
Here's a thought-provoking question: "If someone put a gun to your head and forced you to leave your house every day, what would you do with your time?" Your answer shows what matters most to you and reveals your core beliefs. You could also picture yourself at life's end and think about what advice your future self would give you now.
Use tools like journaling or therapy
A journal lets you express situations that stir up strong emotions freely. Write about what happened, how you reacted, and your thoughts at that moment. Meditation helps you watch your thoughts without judgment and spot automatic thinking patterns.
Try a values sorting exercise
Values card sorting gives you a hands-on way to figure out what matters most. Begin by sorting 35-40 values into three groups: "most important," "important," and "less important." Keep narrowing down your choices until you find your top 5-10 values.
Look for patterns in your behavior
Your time and energy choices show what you value deep down. The thoughts that pop into your head when you're not busy reveal a lot. These recurring thoughts lead straight to your core beliefs.
Conclusion
Finding your core beliefs is an experience, not a destination. My exploration taught me how these deeply held assumptions influence every life aspect, often without our conscious awareness. Life felt disconnected and adrift until I uncovered my true beliefs. This discovery gave me the clarity to line up my choices with what genuinely matters.
The process tested me more than I expected. Taking on this challenge helped me see the difference between beliefs I thought I should have and those that actually guided my decisions. This insight became crucial to authentic growth.
Your experience of finding core beliefs might differ from mine. You could choose value card sorting, journaling, therapy, or reflect on past reactions. The essential part lies in being completely honest with yourself. Note that this exploration isn't about finding "correct" beliefs but identifying what truly strikes a chord with your authentic self.
Our core beliefs work as internal compasses that direct our choices and reactions. They strengthen us to make decisions that line up with our deepest values instead of unconscious programming once we identify them. This awareness doesn't require dramatic life changes—small adjustments are enough when genuine self-understanding guides them.
The most important thing I learned was this: core beliefs stay flexible rather than fixed. These fundamental assumptions form early in life but can evolve through intentional examination and conscious choice. We can question beliefs that no longer serve us and develop new viewpoints that better support our growth and happiness.
Finding your core beliefs might feel uncomfortable at times. Notwithstanding that, this discomfort signals growth as you challenge familiar thought patterns toward greater authenticity and purpose. Your beliefs shape your reality, and knowing them shapes your potential.
Key Takeaways
Understanding your core beliefs is essential for authentic living and conscious decision-making. Here are the most important insights from this personal journey of self-discovery:
• Core beliefs are unconscious assumptions about yourself, others, and the world that silently guide every decision you make
• Feeling disconnected from your life often signals that your current beliefs no longer serve your authentic self
• Use practical tools like values card sorting, journaling, or therapy to systematically identify what truly matters to you
• The biggest challenge is choosing honestly—selecting values that actually guide your behavior, not ones that sound impressive
• Your core beliefs are flexible, not fixed—they can evolve through intentional examination and conscious choice
Remember, this isn't about finding "correct" beliefs but discovering what genuinely resonates with your authentic self. Once identified, your core beliefs become an internal compass that empowers you to make decisions aligned with your deepest values rather than unconscious programming.
References
[1] - https://www.lukincenter.com/getting-out-of-autopilot-what-to-do-when-youre-feeling-disconnected/[2] - https://www.nhs.uk/mental-health/conditions/dissociative-disorders/[3] - https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/depersonalization-derealization-disorder/symptoms-causes/syc-20352911[4] - https://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/types-of-mental-health-problems/dissociation-and-dissociative-disorders/about-dissociation/[5] - https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC10964830/[6] - https://www.bbc.com/worklife/article/20200929-how-major-life-events-impact-our-long-term-wellbeing[7] - https://rsc.byu.edu/latter-day-saint-social-life/life-events-religious-change[8] - https://ampersandhealth.co.uk/myarthritis/resources/the-psychology-of-major-life-changes/[9] - https://www.counseling-directory.org.uk/articles/four-reasons-to-go-to-therapy-that-boost-your-personal-growth[10] - https://drmessina.com/the-power-of-therapy-journey-of-self-discovery-healing/[11] - https://www.ivylighttherapy.co.uk/blog/understanding-and-challenging-core-beliefs.php[12] - https://www.psychologytoday.com/gb/blog/the-main-ingredient/202109/are-negative-core-beliefs-wrecking-your-life[13] - https://positivepsychology.com/core-beliefs-worksheets/[14] - https://www.thegoodtrade.com/features/what-are-core-values/[15] - https://www.betterup.com/blog/personal-values-examples[16] - https://www.betterup.com/blog/beliefs-vs-values[17] - https://liminaltherapy.co.uk/how-we-develop-core-beliefs-and-how-they-impact-our-lives/[18] - https://www.psychologytoday.com/gb/blog/empathy-and-relationships/201706/your-biases-and-beliefs-are-impacting-your-decision-making[19] - https://anxietynomore.co.uk/2026/01/how-core-beliefs-shape-your-expereince-of-life/