Do you ever wonder where the shaming, criticising and sarcasm - ever present in many peoples styles of communication with each other - comes from? Can you think of a few times when you were on the end of such a tirade? Or perhaps when someone else was at the end of a tirade from you? Some parents who were abandoned, neglected or abused as children use this parenting style to an extent with their children. We see the experience and internalising of core shame in relationships and actions as adults and as a result, people with core shame often have difficulty taking risks, choose abusive or non supportive partners, and cannot tolerate being alone. (Cozolino, 2016).
The sense of fear many people feel in their every day lives means that much of what others take for granted, these people cannot shake off. From a psychological perspective, fear inhibits executive functioning, problem-solving abilities, and emotional regulation. Fear makes us rigid, inflexible, and dumb (Cozolino, 2016). What are we to do if we find ourselves stuck in the same old patterns of thinking, feeling and behaving? We are fighting our amygdala here (a part of our brain to keep us alive). because it, unknowingly, is trying to help but it gets the context wrong. We are in no real danger hitting a golf ball but our amygdala might persuade us otherwise. We need to keep the conversation going inside our heads - the helpful conversation. We are telling ourselves that everything is fine really, we are simply hitting a golf ball and there are some people watching. As a sport psychologist, I help athletes to express what is unexpressed, to be consciously aware of what is normally unconscious and working through our feelings and thoughts. Let's help ourselves to understand our brain, our mind and the world we live within.
Cozolino, Louis. Why Therapy Works: Using Our Minds to Change Our Brains (Norton Series on Interpersonal Neurobiology): (p. 12). W. W. Norton & Company. Kindle Edition.